Summer is here. Almost here. Time to get my bikini outta the closet. Yeaaaaahhh sure.
I wore a bikini twice. Once, in the privacy of my own home. Second, when I was having a really good year relatively eczema-free and working out a lot. It was in a hot tub, with my future husband. Brave huh? Not really. I had every single movement planned in advance to this should-be fun, spontaneous moment.
We were staying at my parents' condo and they had a hot tub. It closed at like 10 p.m. or something like that. I planned it so we went at 9:30 p.m. This way it would be dim and most likely, we would be the only people there.
I made sure he went in first. I came out of the change room and basically scurried across the slippery tile and hopped in. The water covered me from the top of my chest down. With the weird watery effects and tub lighting, my bikini which was blue, shone like the obnoxious blue neon lighting under fast cars driven by men with small dicks. He was drunk and horny and was looking at me through beer goggles. Mission accomplished. I win.
Problem was though, that Pink and her boyfriend showed up (not really Pink.. she just reminded me of her). They were, for real, being spontaneous about coming to the hot tub. I hated them. I hated her. She had the skin of Snow White or how I imagine Snow White's skin to be. Smooth, soft, clear, tattoos.
I was freaking out on the inside. How long are they staying here? Should we leave first? If we leave first, I have to get out and expose my body to them. Oh shit. Had those big ol eczema patches on the back of my knees completely faded?! I'll get out and Pink will point and laugh in her low, sultry smoker hack. I submerged myself even further down into the bubbling water.
"The water's not that hot, is it?" caws Pink. Huh? Me? I thought I had successfully made myself invisible. Damn blue bikini gave me away. "Uhh hehe yeah a little bit, I guess." I stammer just above the water bubbles at my chin. Did you know when your earlobes touch the surface of the water, those bubbles are pretty darn loud? Deafening really. "It's too cold for me. Let's go hun." Hun follows her out of the hot tub and into the darkness. I am saved.