I had a job interview the other day. I got the interview through a recruitment agency. The recruiter, Craig, prepped me by emailing me a two page primer called "Tough Questions" and an "Interview Prep Guide". I reviewed and studied them like a good girl.
The "Interview Prep Guide" commands me to "arrive 10 minutes early". Check. I get to reception at exactly 9:50 a.m. Damn. The receptionist is on the phone.
"Okay, so what do you want for lunch? Sandwiches? Uh huh. Okay. I suggest the medium tray. It feeds 10 to 15 people." Hurry up bitch. I have an interview. "Okay. So, salad and sandwiches for lunch. Got it." Finally. Now she can call the Amy, HR person I'm supposed to meet, and Amy will look at the time and declare, "She's got the job." because I am 8 minutes early.
"What about dessert?" Whaaaattt the..?! "Cookies or assorted pastries?" Cookies bitch! Cookies! 7 minutes to interview time. "I'm not sure what kind of pastries. There's a picture. I don't know. It just says assorted." She looks up at me, smiles apologetically and holds up one finger, I guess to tell me she'll be with me in one minute. I smile back and say "I understand. No problem." In my mind, I hold up a different, one finger back to her.
Finally she's off the phone and calls Amy at 9:55 a.m. Then she asks, "You're here for the EA position right?" "Yes. That's right." I answer. "Okay. Then, I have to call Nadine too. She and Amy will both be interviewing you." Oh.
Two young women walk toward me with papers in their hands. I guess correctly that this is Amy and Nadine. They hold out their hands. Oh crap. Oh shit. Oh. Oh. Oh. Will it be awkward if I bow instead? Okay, I can't avoid it. I reach my hand out, ready to communicate confidence and reliability through my firm handshake.
They spot my alligator skin. I can tell. Nadine does it first. She glances down at my hand and quickly looks away from it, pretending she saw nothing. Then, she tries to steal subtle looks at my hands all through the interview. But, it's obvious. To me anyway. It would be subtle, if each pupil in her eyes were the size of her entire eyeball. Then, I wouldn't know where she was looking. I'd be freaked out for sure, but also thrilled that her physical defect is creepier than mine. I'm sure that Amy and Nadine feel my Brillo-pad skin when we shake hands. I know because I did an experiment recently, where I shook my own hands to see I could feel their roughness.
The interview is done and, as per proper business etiquette, I thank Amy and Nadine, and give them another handshake. As soon as leave, they probably play a game, guessing what's wrong with my hands. Amy wagers $10 that she'll win. Nadine, all cocky-like, sits back in her self-important, rolling, office chair, and challenges, "I'll bet you $20 that you don't."
I hope they like me and I get the job.